Internet Marketing and the Problem of Rockets
In recent months, I’ve seen a number of worrying online trends coming from internet marketers offering their wares to an unsuspecting public. One such trend is the plethora of failed NLP practitioners who, having failed to get sufficient clients to make a living, offer programs on how to get rich from therapy and coaching. As “they” say, those who can, do; those who cannot, teach. There’s an additional one I heard recently: “...and those who cannot teach, teach teachers.”I don’t wish to disparage the teachers and trainers who do brilliant work, but, as in so many niches, their profession is a safe refuge for those seeking to conceal their incompetence. Evidence of such concerns is available on my laptop in the form of public records published by Companies House: accounts from training companies that have spiralling debt, enormous unpaid tax bills, and outstanding legal action for failure to comply with the most basic company laws and to make debt payments.
This, in itself, is not indicative of anything in particular beyond the simple fact that many businesses fail; however, what is interesting about these companies is that they offer training in extreme business success.
Classically: how to make a six-figure income from coaching, how to create niche marketing to ensure success, business mastery, how to make millions from online selling, and so on. Whilst some of these claims are undoubtedly possible, none of them has been achieved by the companies I am referring to here.
The training they offer is rarely just a few people gathered in a room to learn. No, they are grandiose mega-boot camps, exclusive elite small select groups, mystical retreats, executive gold personal coaching where you can be personally breastfed by the guru, and so on. Which nearly always equates to a bunch of people sitting in a classroom.
Now, to get to the point I will be making here. Such companies, copywriters, and trainers reveal themselves in ways they do not necessarily realise. Pay attention to their language, particularly their use of metaphors, which are often unconscious. You can learn a lot.
The Cult of the Rocket
These gurus seem to like rockets. Yes, rockets. Big, fat, fast, powerful rockets. Before I explain, it is worth noting that, in business language, there are recurring themes in people’s metaphors.
Business as a Building
We can design and build a business, build it on solid foundations, develop it, extend it, get business blueprints, and so on.
Business as Agriculture
The business is growing, and we can harvest the rewards, reap what we sow, sow the seeds of opportunity, explore new pastures, and so on.
There is also business as a ship and shipbuilding. We build it, get people on board, launch it, weather the storms, navigate the choppy waters, hope it is all plain sailing, struggle to stay afloat, go fishing or trawling for new customers, and so on. When it all goes wrong, they may seek a bailout plan.
Of course, there are other themes in business metaphors, and different approaches to business will require different logical and behavioural constructs. The example I use on the Metaphors of Movement website is that of the chap who came to see me having spent much time building his business on a solid foundation (construction metaphor), and the problem was that he couldn’t seem to get his business moving forward (vehicular metaphor). The striking mismatch between what he’d built and what he wanted to have happen was totally outside of his conscious awareness.
Stardom and Vacuous Success
Now, with the internet generation and readily available mass media that promises instant celebrity status and stardom to the talentless and the gormless, we are seeing a new trend. A cultural obsession with stardom and the stars, nothing new in that, but it is now combined with the possibility of joining them quickly and without effort and, more importantly, without talent.
Logically, this leads us to: reach for the stars, reach for the sky, stardom, having the world at your feet, being on cloud nine, and so on. I am seeing a trend in which many “business gurus” measure success by acquiring status. Regarding marketing positioning, they tend to promote themselves as stars in their own right. There is nothing inherently wrong with that in itself, but problems can arise with the “I’m a star; therefore, I am successful” equation when the financial balance sheets actually reflect the exact opposite of “success.”
You might be famous and admired, but you must still work for a living. Such naive thinking of “success = being a star” means that people measure success not by how much money is in the bank, but rather by how highly other people think of them.
The Problem of “Launching”
How do we tell the difference? Well, watch out for the rockets. For the status-oriented business guru, it all pivots on the term “launching a business.” Traditionally, launching is part of the ship-and-shipbuilding metaphorical theme.
Building such a ship requires skill, knowledge, and expertise; sailing such a ship also requires a lot of skill, knowledge, and expertise. A substantial amount of experience doesn’t go amiss, either. Compare this to the complexity of building a rocket or spaceship. The costs are considerably different, too. It takes the world’s biggest nations to produce a Space Shuttle or a Sputnik, but anyone can hollow out a tree trunk to make a canoe.
But not according to many gurus who promise effortless, rapid, and extreme success in your business venture, who claim that you can sit back and leave the business running on autopilot. Skill is not required, nor is expertise or experience. All that is required is their plan and idea for businesses.
Typical “Rocket” Marketing Copy:
- “I’ll show you how you can launch your business and blast off to success.”
- “With our proven formula, you can gain rapid momentum and blast your way to success.”
- “Reach for the stars with ______ training.”
- “Meteoric rise… a rising star…”
- “Skyrocket your profits. Gain altitude with our program.”
- “This powerful process will literally blast your business into orbit.”
Pay attention to that last one. Blasted into orbit? That isn’t a good thing, by the way.
This sounds exciting and great. After all, who isn’t attracted to the spectacle of rockets and spaceships being launched? But such things can go dramatically wrong. They can crash and burn, come back down to earth, or explode. And when things go wrong, a bailout plan isn’t likely to be of much help, depending, of course, on the altitude. But coaching and therapy as businesses to rocket upwards? I think not. Or at least, let me put it this way: If I am wrong, please show me the evidence. And here’s the rub: If your business does take off in such a fashion as you reach for the stars, is it going to be particularly down to earth?
For details of consultancy and bespoke training, please contact:
Andrew T. Austin (Somerset, UK)
Email: freshnewbrain@gmail.com
