“The Hurts”

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Emotions as Physical Injury or Threat of Physical Injury.
“The Hurts.”

The Hurts are specifically about relationships. Mostly between people, but also may be less commonly about relationships with inanimates (i.e. a car, motorcycle, object of sentimental value), animals and pets, spiritual and religious entities, and popular cultural concepts such as Santa Claus, movie and pop stars, fashion idols etc.

These relationships manifest in metaphor as physical injury metaphors, and so it is appropriate to refer to emotional health and emotional wellbeing.

Typically, the person with this bias was regarded as ‘the sensitive child.”

I estimate that between 1/5 and 1/3 of the population have this bias. A minority when compared to other biases of emotional experience, these adults with “The Hurts” can often be identified by the following traits:

  • they are destined to continually complain that their emotions and feelings remain without acknowledgement by their partner/s.
  • the bathroom cabinet is full of home remedies, dietary supplements, health foods and herbal remedies and vitamins.
  • are much more emotional than their peers, often regarded as moody and brooding.
  • experience a higher level of intensity of all emotions when compared to others without this bias.

Two people with this bias will tend to form a rapid, emotionally intense and exciting friendship or relationship with a powerful experience of emotional recognition that often ends quickly with high emotional intensity.  Two lovers with this bias will tend to draw each other into the “dark side” of their emotions, which is frequently moderated with alcohol, drugs and activities of harm.

Characteristics of this bias.

  • Emotional state and welfare is significantly affected by the presence of other people.
  • Do not tend to find the company of other people to be restful. Tolerance of other people’s company tends to have a time limit. For example, they may be fine when having guests for dinner for the first hour, but after that start longing for everyone to leave. Thresholds tend to range from 45 to 90 minutes.
  • Needs greater periods of solitude away from other people than average.
  • Not very good at maintaining contact with people.
  • Affected kinaesthetically by the behaviours of other people towards each other even if not personally involved.
  • Is aware of things occurring inside relationships between people even when the involved parties appear unaware of it themselves.
  • Tendency towards strong sense of moral justice.
  • Don’t work well in teams – tendency to unemployment, or regular short term employment before changing jobs.
  • Dislike for competitive sports.
  • Replaying of minor micro-social events and behaviours (“I cannot believe I said that”) after social gatherings accompanied with high levels of self recrimination.
  • Thus, people with this bias are prone to depression and loneliness, with regret being the primary feature.
  • When ill-dignified, tendency towards abuse and pleasure of the body.
  • At greater risk from alcohol and drug use, anorexia/bulimia, deliberate self harm (such as cutting), creative suicide fantasy, promiscuity.
  • Feel emotions “in the body.”
  • Tendency to somatisation of emotion (i.e. “mystery”/non-medical physical problems such as stress rash, stomach ache, general annoyances such as aches and pains, stiff neck).
  • A minority of people with this bias may have frequent difficulty differentiating between “stress” and a physical health problem.
  • Tendency towards mystical leanings and self explorations, exploring different states of self and ways of being.
  • Experiences of synaesthesia.  For example, hearing the sounds of cannons firing when viewing a painting of an artillery battle.
  • Sometimes experiences kinaesthetics external to the body leading to a tendency to beliefs on “healing”, auras, experiencing the “hidden world” (occult) and the mystical.

The Hurts
Common roles adopted.

  • The Miserable Hermit (withdraws from society, introspective rumination, negative self analysis).
  • The Mystic (adopts esoteric interests, explores the darkness inside themselves, obsesses on “healing”).

Cultural image: Suffering leads to spiritual enlightenment, suffering teaches transcendence,

Slogan: “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”

Common idioms that are suggestive of “The Hurts.”

Loss of body part

“Heart ripped out.”
“Guts ripped out.”
“Feels like part of me is missing.”

Damage to body

“Broken hearted.”
“Stabbed in the back.”
“It was like a slap in the face.”
“I’m hurt.”

Destruction of the body

“I feel cut to pieces.”
“I’m in pieces.”
“I’m in bits.”
“I’m torn apart.”
“Tears me from limb to limb.”
“I need to pull myself together.”

Asphyxia

“I feel suffocated by this relationship.”
“I don’t have room to breathe.”
“She has a stranglehold on me.”

Dying

“I’m dying here.”
“I’m very run down.”
“I can’t live like this.”

Death

“I feel like I died that day.”
“My life is as good as over.”
“I’m devastated.”
“It kills me.” 
“I don’t have a life.”
“I’m a shadow/ghost of my former self.”

8 Responses to “The Hurts”

  1. Steve Green says:

    Hi Andy

    Q? Is there an approach to assist a person with ‘The Hurts’?

    • admin admin says:

      Indeed there is, and it revolved around identity and the role the person has in their social panorama. Bit complex to answer here, it’s probably best saved for the higher level trainings.

      • Interesting Andrew.

        Do you work with Social Panorama much in your MoM work?

        • admin admin says:

          Thanks – not directly, but I suspect an observer who is familiar with Social Panorama will be able to track aspect of it. Lucas Derks has recently seen my presentations on MoM and the Hurts, so I look forward to his analysis.

  2. AFH says:

    Can you clarify ‘ill dignified’ for me? I actually googled it and got quite a lot of Tarot links (including references to ‘the Crowley deck’), which was an interesting surprise.

    • admin admin says:

      Hi Alan – ill-dignified: upset, having a bad time of it, going through a negative phase. The Crowley/Thoth connection is deliberate.

  3. Janet Reed says:

    I’m curious – do people with the “hurts” have a difficult time seeing / developing metaphors that aren’t rooted in their body? Seems like that’s a major limitation right there. Or maybe it isn’t, I’m not sure. Can you explain more?

    • admin admin says:

      Hi Janet – it’s not something I’ve found, in fact, mostly the opposite, until it is pointed out, they tend to go for other category of metaphors and not the hurts. Usually, they have learned to ignore or reduce their own “hurts” metaphors as they (these metaphors) don’t usually fit in so well with their peers.

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